Ten tips for busy moms


Foster care, Life around home / Thursday, August 21st, 2014

Confession: I forgot what it was like to be a really busy mommy. I had four kids this week instead of three—the fourth a precious boy we got to parent for a week and a half. I’m probably not allowed to say more than that, and I can’t post any pictures of him here even though he was such a darling and I would love to show him off to you…

These days, with my kids aged 9, almost 7, and 4, mothering moves in comfortable cycles, through the summer birthday parties into the back to school sales, holiday celebrations, winter doldrums, and spring delights. And around again.

I don’t have to deal with body fluids very much anymore. Everyone is potty trained and reasonably tidy. They eat with their mouths closed and help clean up the kitchen. They’re still a whole lot of work, and joy, but mothering is one of the things I play in. I almost forgot what motherhood immersion felt like.

When you can’t wash a sinkfull of dishes without leaving two or three times (five times? six times?) to care for a child.

When you have one ear open, always, and both eyes as often as you can spare them.

When the laundry hampers fill faster than you can empty them.

When small chatty voices sound to you like fingernails on chalkboard because you’re so crazy tired and don’t think you could answer another question to save your life.

When the endless afternoon stretches out before you, and it’s raining, and you honestly think you might drown in work and boredom.

I LOVED this week. It was an answer to prayer, a sign that God has not forgotten us. But I had to learn a few things in order to stay sane and here they are, just for you, if you are in the crazy stage as well…

To some of you, four children would be a piece of cake and I thank you for your grace to me as I hold forth on busy motherhood. To you and all the rest, I say–

1. Drink coffee.

My favorite pastor’s wife swears by this. Except she doesn’t actually swear, because she is the pastor’s wife and I keep her on a very tight tether. I don’t even let her eat open-toed cupcakes. She reluctantly affirmed instead: Coffee alone is the secret to her success with five children. That and regular church attendance. I drink decaf and it still works wonders: something warm in the hand and strong in the stomach.

2. Use paper plates.

I hate to joke about it, but all I know is that when I use glass plates three times a day, the environment in our home goes downhill fast. Saving mother’s sanity, one tree at a time.

3. Say yes a lot.

This prevents many battles, and even more negotiating.

“Can I do A?”

“No.”

“Well can I do B then?”

“No.”

“When can I do A? Soon? Next year? In fifteen minutes?”

“Ummm….”

“Can I do A if I use the little brushes and clean up after myself?”

Much is simplified if you just say YES, the first time, unless it’s a moral issue or dangerous to the wellbeing of siblings, pets, and houseplants. Hey, they found something they want to do! Just say yes; and then deal with the fallout.

4. Do laundry often.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t deal with a Mt. Fuji of soiled socks and sweaty jeans. One day at a time, sweet Jesus…

5. Get out of your mind.

A quiet life of the mind, like time with your spouse, is divided roughly in half with the addition of each subsequent kid. I promise it’s true. So stop trying to think it all through, give up for a while on the memories and the quiet meditations and the inscrutable depths, and just get those hotdogs in the skillet. You won’t be allowed the luxury of silence; come out of your meditations and into what’s now. Laugh. Sing. Talk to your kids.

6. Ask for help.

You weren’t made to do it alone. After three or four or five, you can’t do it alone. Let your mom buy groceries for you. Let your husband ride herd while you take a ten-minute bathroom break. Swap services with another busy mom. Whatever it takes. There are a whole lot of people cheering you on, even though in the wee hours of the night you may wonder where they got to.

7. Make a tight schedule and follow it loosely.*

*This is not my phrase. I cannot remember the name of the lady who said it… one of the Funk sisters.

A schedule is your friend. If you know that snack is at 10:00 and lunch is at 12:00, it makes it so much easier to know when everyone’s blood sugar is at a low ebb and whether or not starvation is as imminent as they claim. Knowing that you’ll sweep that floor on Friday makes it okay to wink at the dirt on Wednesday and Thursday.

But then—take a chill pill. A schedule is just something to shoot for. If you marry yourself to it, you’ll go crazy.

8. Know when your next break is.

It may sound silly and selfish, but knowing you can run errands ALONE for one hour on Saturday, or sip a quiet cup of coffee after they’re tucked in bed tonight, makes all the difference. You can hang in there till then, right?

9. Stop listening to how everyone else does it.

The day you really bomb as a mother (drill sergeant/crackdown/getyourbuttsinhereNOW and lookatmewhenI’mtalkintoyou) will be the day that every blog and facebook post you read will be a mommy-mommy one about how sweet kids are and how fast they’ll grow up and how you should let everything else go and just love them. You’ll have only one thought: I blew it all.

You didn’t blow it all, honey. You’re a very human mother who had a terrible day.

You will make it through. You can learn from anyone, but the ones you need to listen to are Jesus and the people He placed close to you. Enough with facebook already.

10. Give grace to others. It opens your heart to receive it too.

Keep your eyes open for the mothers with babies climbing all over them. Every one of them could say these words to you: “Please notice me. Please give me grace. Please see beyond my wrinkled outfit, my fussy child, my frazzled face. I know my house is a mess; it’s only clean on Fridays. I know what my hair looks like; it’s only nice on Sundays. My waist disappeared in 2002 and I still can’t find it. I’m lost in here. Be nice to me.”

Let me tell you something about Jesus: following Him doesn’t make life easy. But He is always there. Wipe the tears and snot on His shoulder and let Him rock you a while. He’s soooo good with crying children.

*****

I’m sorry this got long. It’s a good thing I wrote it before our fourth kiddo left because afterwards I didn’t feel like laughing anymore. I miss him too much.

What have you learned in mothering? I’d love to hear your tips, your pieces of the story.

18 Replies to “Ten tips for busy moms”

  1. May I burst into tears at this point? Your words are manna tonight. It was one of THOSE days. I’ve only got two, but today I left them both howling (strapped into their respective seats) just long enough to lock myself in the bathroom and howl myself and pray until I had the grace to go deal with the demands without throwing something or otherwise hurting a precious little soul. And you know what? Either God moved, or nature ran its course, or both because in about five minutes, the baby was asleep and the toddler was singing! AND. God gave me joy. I still had peaches to can, but the afternoon was peaceful.
    All this to say, I am a very tired, fragile mommy tonight, but it’s balm just to know I’m not alone. Thanks.

  2. I’ve been a silent reader and I know that’s not nice and I’m sorry. 🙂 I love what you share! Like the lady above mentioned, this post is manna. THANK YOU.

  3. I have tears running down my cheeks and a smile on my face.I have two aged 2 and 10 months – and I can SO identify with your points!! Bless you! Thank you for writing this post. A friend of mine emailed me the link… And i will be frequenting your blog more.

  4. This is beautiful.

    I get it. All of it. And I just have two charges everyday (a 4 year old I nanny and my little 1 year old.)

    Everyday I think, more and more, that my mom was seriously either angelic or superwoman. How on earth did she have THIRTEEN beautiful, darling, naughty children and SURVIVE (and not murder anyone)?

    Ok. On to a more serious note. Making a tight schedule and following it loosely has been a great source of redemption for me in my mothering/housewifing… knowing that tomorrow is the day for cleaning out my appliances is sometimes just the boost I need…to allow myself to sit on the couch and decompress while the babies nap (rather than scrub out burnt-on, splattered, who-knows-what).

    I try to have two specific house goals everyday of the week. This helps me stay sane. There are weeks I don’t meet all my weekly house goals, but I repeat them all the next week so I can “breathe in, breathe out, and keep moving.”

    My weekly house goals look like this:

    Monday – laundry, water plants (inside and out)
    Tuesday – general clean-up (surface clean in the bathroom, sweep and vacuum downstairs floors, vacuum couches)
    Wednesday – mirrors (and windows accessible to little hands), appliances
    Thursday – laundry, clean bathroom
    Friday – clean house (dust & vacuum – occasionally I mop. Uh, VERY occasionally.)

    I love knowing/hearing what works well for other people!

    1. Yes! I’ve wanted to ask you about your weekly cleaning system because I knew you had one but I’ve never heard details. I like this enough to want to switch to it myself… Thank you for sharing it!

  5. As a mother of two preschoolers and a newborn, it’s nice to know it’s normal to feel like I’m drowning. 🙂 Thanks for the tips. I needed to read this today.

  6. Oh, Sherri! I really needed this post, Thanks for sharing! Just makes me chuckle. And my confession is, my house isn’t even all clean on Fri. That’s the hardest thing for me… never getting the whole house clean at once.

  7. Thankyou SO much!! I’m a mama of four 8, 6 4 and 2. I never dreamed how crazy mothering could be, and being rather idealistic at times, a lot of idealism has had to die and fall by the wayside. I realize more and more that the greatest encouragement a swamped mom needs is to know she’s not alone and to stop comparing with others, because most likely what we are comparing to is not an accurate picture. I needed this today!!

  8. I loved this entire post but your last line there about the waist………..oh. my stars…………I’m howling.

    So much truth here and mixed in with just the perfect amount of humor.

    Since I’m your favorite pastor’s wife, is it ok for you to be my favorite blogger and writer??!!! (I’m not sure why I’m even asking….as if you have the right to alter my opinions….)

  9. when i noticed the title of this post I thought I had to see what you were going to say. You have described it so so perfectly! Thanks for the encouragement and for giving us grace. We have had a crazy busy week and one thing in this busy week was hosting a birthday party for your beautiful sis(again lamenting to my husband afterwards that I have no idea what I will do without her).
    Thanks for writing and sharing so honestly!

  10. So, this is perfect. I found your blog tonight, and this post was my life today. only I have 4 all the time. And their Dad has been working so hard and long that we haven’t seen him for days. Tonight, it all got to me, and I was about to burst. My table was full of folded laundry with more waiting to be folded, dirty dishes everywhere, and they got upset about the soup. Then someone called and invited themselves over, offering cookies. Seriously? I thanked God for friends who prayed for my emotions while I insisted they eat the soup, then made coffee to go with cookies. And I was SO grateful when they all fell asleep. Thanks for making me feel normal.

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