(Maybe.)
*****
I do not know if you will be a boy or a girl.
I do not know if your skin will be black or white, or something in between.
I do not know if you will be an infant or already grown into a toddler.
I do not know if you will come alone, or in a set of two.
I do not know when you will arrive.
All I know is, I cannot wait to meet you.
*
Someday you will want to know why we wanted you—why we opted for this route instead of conceiving one of ‘our own.’ I cannot say. I confess that at times the distinction eludes me. People cannot be owned exactly no matter who conceives them and so I am not sure what is signified except deep love; and I promise that will be yours.
We wanted you always, but especially after learning to know in person so many littles who desperately needed safety, love, and adequate care. We wanted to open our hearts to a child already born, to draw you in and warm you and make you one of us. We chose to make space in our family—for you.
*
I would like to comfort you when you cry.
I would like to rock you to sleep.
I would like to sew something soft in which to wrap you. I have spent a lot of time this fall sewing soft things in which to wrap other babies, and only when I was nearly done did I realize why—I was dreaming of you.
I would like to introduce you to some new relatives: a good, strong daddy and three very excited brothers and sisters; two grandpas, two grandmas, and a whole lot of cousins.
I would like to take your pain into my own chest and let you pummel me when you are angry. I would like to carry your anguish to the One who carries the world.
I would like to make you laugh.
I would like to take you to the zoo and sing you a lullaby and watch you grow and tell you how much I love you.
I would like to make you a birthday cake and a garden plot and a home, forever.
*
I know that Jesus is already taking good care of you.
I ask Him to hold you every time you are sad, to protect you every time you are in danger, and to bring you to us when the time is right.
I love you!
-Mommy
*
Last week Ryan and I had our first home visit from a foster-to-adopt agency called Child to Family Connections. CFC works to link families with local children removed from their homes due to abuse or neglect. We have a boatload of paperwork and a lot of work ahead; at any point we may encounter a roadblock making it clear this is not to be. But we have begun, and we pray Jesus for grace to take each step as it comes, knowing that each is no longer the first, and not likely the last…
Joy!
as a foster mama this makes me very happy! and a lot of work, just a bit different from pregnancy and labor, but a labor of love all the same!
How wonderful! God bless your family as you embrace a new endeavor.
Bless your heart – and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. What an incredibly blessed child this is already. SO excited for you!
I feel your anticipation and I am excited for you and for the dear little person that will be blessed to join your family! Blessings and grace to you, my dear friend!!!!
Wow! You’re brave. Or crazy. Or both. As an adoptive dad myself, I will tell you that our lives have been impacted by adoption in several ways. On one hand there has been joy beyond what we could imagine. On the other there has been pain way beyond what we thought we could endure. I’m not telling you not to do it. If you feel God’s leading, by all means go for it. I’m just telling you to hunker down and hang on for the ride. There is sure to be one. And one more thing; while I have this audience, I’d like to lead a standing ovation for the crazy and the brave!
I echo the above comment- could have written it word for word…just know that I will be one of your biggest supporters- thru thick and thin…in the joys and the sorrows…love you and God Bless You!!
AMEN! to the above comment.Get yourself a support group, but it looks as if you have one on here already! Blessings.
As a mama, I am thrilled for you!
As a mama working on an adoption, I am thrilled for you!
Wow! I don’t know much about it personally, but from what I’ve watched in others…welcome to an adventure.
Gina
As an adoptive Mama, times two, of special needs kiddos, my hat is off to you. But what Coonskin Merle said: joy beyond belief, and pain way beyond what it feels like you can endure. Having adopted a child who was abused in various ways, I draw deeply from God’s never-ending fountain pretty much each day just to get through the level of trauma and anxiety she experiences due to Post Traumatic Stress. I’m here if you ever want to shoot a question or need a listening ear . . .
I don’t know who Coonskin Merle is but I teared up at his eloquent comment and say amen.
Oh, I so believe in this sort of love! And in you guys. I believe God has already begun to prepare you to love this little person well.
These words are wonderful. Some really special child is soon to find a really special home.
This is where I am living right now, so understand I do. Haven’t had the time to post…been too busy with baby and moving…but I hope to post on my journey of foster care soon. Hugs!
Been there, doing that. Foster care is quite a ride! I applaud your courage and your willingness to face loss and messiness so you can give a child a chance.
And oh, that exciting stage of waiting for a placement!!! I had a special ring on my phone for That Worker and my heart still skips a beat when I hear it, though we aren’t in that stage (for the moment.)
We wanted a nice fresh newborn, and didn’t get one. But then I look at my four-year-old-son, who came to us at almost 2 1/2 years old. Out of all the kids we cared for, whether for 24 hours or a year, he’s the one who stole my heart the first time I tucked him in. He’s the one with whom I had That Moment which adoptive parents talk about, when I knew deep in my heart, “This is my child.” And despite all the complications and laws and MESS, he is still with us. The mountain range has slowly fallen, peak by peak.
Some cases are quick (8 months) and some drag on and on and on. I hope yours will be super quick and uncomplicated.
Blessings and blessings and blessings on your family!!