People / Friday, March 1st, 2013

Dear Gentlemen,

Not too many of you read this blog, and even fewer are single; but I know some of you out there, and perhaps you could help pass the word to your compadres.

Did you know that most single women are not single by choice?


Shari Zook

17 Replies to “PS”

  1. While most bachelors I know have taken vows of celibacy. Of course.

    “Oh right, yeah, a snap to find the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy.”

    1. I’m off the subject here, I know, but you beat her to it this morning? Or are you posing as someone you aren’t?? Even worse!!!!

  2. I feel like I must come to the aid of my poor, defenseless compadres, especially seeing as how they very well might not be reading here to defend themselves! I have three good guy friends that are single (thirtyish) and I haven’t picked up that any of them are “single by choice” either. They’ve made an effort now and then; hasn’t worked out or been turned down a time or two. They struggle with how things just seem to “work out” for most other people but not for them. They talk about the loneliness. So don’t be too hard on them, it ain’t all roses on their side either. Just had a brainstorm. How many non-single- by- choice friends have you got? I’ve got three on my end. Maybe we could be of some use in an “Abraham’s servant” role here somewhere.

  3. I believe you speak words of truth Shari. But i know this also to be true – most single men are not single by choice. I have an awesome brother . . . We sisters can’t understand why anyone would turn him down other than he must not have met and asked the right one yet. . . I won’t tell you how many good girls he’s asked.

  4. “The son learned obedience through suffering.”

    This is not a one sided problem. God’s in charge of It.

    Maybe you should be complaining to God about the probabilities of Russian roulette.

  5. As a further, more serious comment, I’ve come to believe very strongly in the sovereignty of God in this matter and other matters of big life decisions. I can either stress about things or not stress about things: it makes no difference, if I’m following God, He will still bring about the best possible plan. I’ve seen that happen dozens of times in retrospect. I’m actually pretty clueless when it comes to life decisions, whether it involves women or schooling or vocation or whatever. It doesn’t really matter whether the lady I’m interested in is awesome or awful, God knows best and brings it about. It doesn’t matter whether I stress or trust, God knows best and brings it about. Basically my job in the whole thing is to live life as well-described in Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God’s Will or How to Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Impressions, Open Doors, Random Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing in the Sky, Etc in which I do the best I know from my knowledge of the Bible, the wisdom I’ve learned from wise men regarding things such as life purpose, and advice from my parents, family, and mentors. God really does take care of the rest.

    That’s my testimony as a man. I’m afraid I wouldn’t fervently embrace the idea of choice having a whole lot to do with any of it.

    As a sidenote, I think one of the reasons for the 3:26 ratio seen above in the Merle/Shari comments is that there are more committed Godly women than there are men.

    As one more sidenote which I’m sure is cold comfort, even though it’s 75% a compliment (with the other 25% being a fact of life which neither gender can change), in my estimation, women are better equipped, on a number of fronts, to live a single life than men. I could be wrong on that and am not dogmatic on that point, but that would be my opinion at the moment.

    1. It would be easy to miss a key point in the above understanding of how God works–we don’t see things from God’s perspective–and assume that the above view precludes the mystery and romance of man/woman relationships. When we realize that our task is simply to do the best we know, while trusting in the sovereignty of God, all the mystery and romance is still fully present. 😉

    2. Hans, I can understand why you think that women are better equipped to live single than men, but I see that as a notion bred by our conservative Christian culture. Because “nice” women would never admit that they have drives and desires that are every bit as strong and intense as a man’s, (or as the apostle Paul says, “burn with passion”). But many of us do, and I think plenty more who won’t admit it also do. So no, many women are not better equipped to live single. Just so you know. ~Your brutally honest single sister in Christ 🙂

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