You’ll never guess where I am right now. Yes ma’am. Down Virginia way. The unbelievable mercy of Jesus, that’s what I call it— That she is well enough to sit up, to eat fried chicken, to laugh at my jokes. That I was provided with a complimentary ride to Virginia on Monday, and a complimentary […]
Confession: I don’t have an answer to the question. Sometimes I think I don’t even know the question. To any of you who felt jerked around in this story—“Where is this girl at, anyway? First this and then that–” Remember there’s a reason. I’m feeling jerked around too. I like to imagine, in my fonder
Confession: I recently broke my year-long Walmart fast. On purpose. I woke up one morning and said “Today is the day.” I got on my shoes and my courage, drove to Walmart, and bought these items: Two pairs of black dress pants Two Oxford shirts Three leather belts Two votive candles I made this purchase
Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff Read More »
Ah. More information has been discovered about our test-tube stores. Store A is the largest store in town, and nine times out of ten offers the lowest prices. Store A is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Handy! The aisles are clean, the workers efficient. Store A extends forgiving return policies, matches
Fasten your seatbelts Read More »
Question: Do you think where to shop is an ethical matter? Example— Store A sells a dozen eggs for 99 cents. Store B sells an identical dozen for $1.49. Should I consider any factor besides price and proximity when I make my purchase? What do you think?
Confession: Where I come from, this is how we do math: seeds + earth = the purest of happiness Look what my dad made me: Last night he called to say “Do you want to come over? I have something for you.” He’s pretty great. (I think I would have said that even if he
The sun’s birthday Read More »
Her world is receding, shrinking into a pale aqua cube with bright lights, lots of cords, an IV drip for every need, and a trio of inhabitants: herself, her husband, and her mother. The hospital staff are waiters and butlers, serving IV’s, checking the cords, and bowing themselves out. She is receding too. Like a babe
Advice on spring cleaning: Do not attempt, if you can help it. In many ways it is a severe waste of time and energy. But if your fingers, like mine, start itching to turn the house upside down about the time the robins return, here is some counsel. (Free of charge. One size fits all.
Dirt and dust bunnies Read More »
Dear Reader, In writing to you today I am pretending that you are one person, instead of the unwieldy and three-dimensional herd of actuality. It’s kind of hard talking personally to a herd. Condense yourself if you will. There, that’s better. You and I are sitting together over tea. I want to talk to you
Profession: If you want to read a book that makes you really depressed about life, try on The Hunchback of Notre Dame. First off, we examine the plot. We start with the perfect girl, mix in a dash of Gypsy, an unspeakable grace of motion, a mesmerizing beauty, a pet goat, and lost parents. We
After 30 days complete Read More »