An ethical question

Is it alright

to do something your husband would not strictly approve of

if he won’t find out?

I can see the shock on your faces, and it’s making me giggle.
Yes? No? Sometimes? Of course? Only if…?
Just relax now. And vote.
And explain yourself tomorrow, like me.

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7 years ago

Without really thinking it through, I’d say sometimes.

7 years ago

Once in a while. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.:)

7 years ago

Only if the motives of my heart are pure. πŸ˜‰

7 years ago

I would trust you. πŸ™‚

Mary R. Yoder
7 years ago

Hmmm… sometimes maybe…. probably yes. But never to lie about it and cover it up if later he DID find out about it.
Mary Yoder

7 years ago

Ummm…. No. I don’t have a problem so much with doing things our spouse doesn’t approve of – we all do things like that sometimes. But there’s no way I would do it secretly. No. On the flip side, I definitely wouldn’t want him treating our relationship like that!

7 years ago


7 years ago

If we’re acting perfectly, then no. Myself, I guess I vote yes :0

7 years ago

I will say no, it’s definitely not ok. But then, maybe tomorrow I’ll find myself doing it. Still doesn’t mean it’s ok. Ethical questions are often hard to answer simply but thoroughly!

7 years ago

Yes. I don’t have a husband, but I would say yes. Especially depending on the situation.

7 years ago

Yes if something harmless that he might find irritating if he knew.

7 years ago

I probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with it, cause I’m a rule follower, people pleaser (not necessarily a good thing). Unless it’s buying a gift for him, he wouldn’t necessarily buy for himself….hmmmm, or I’m trying to think of an instance if my husband doesn’t approve of a certain way to set the table and he isn’t there and won’t know so he won’t care, than maybe….teehee, I’m trying really hard here, I am on the edge of my seat waiting for your explanation.

7 years ago

I’d say no. (I think. I probably do it though. Not sure.)

I used to warm up butter in the microwave in my stainless steel bowl (even though Daryl told me not to and was horrified that I would even try). Someone told me it is okay, since there are no “sharp corners”. I taught my daughters to do the same. Then one day, I put the bowl in with the edge accidently touching the front door, and it melted a hole in the door. I was immediately convicted. I stopped melting butter in the mike, and also confessed to my daughters. Besides, I’d never want them to disobey him, even if he didn’t know.

Mama Zook
7 years ago
Reply to  Renita

Do I remember telling you that?

7 years ago

Yes, if it is fickle and a non-consequential issue. My husband doesn’t like to be bothered with all my trivial issues, but then he does have to be fine with me sometimes not making the decision he would’ve made. πŸ™‚

No, if there are larger issues at stake. I could see this habit being deadly if practiced regularly.

7 years ago

I sometimes do things, I know he wouldn’t approve of. Like drinking Kombucha, but the only reason he doesn’t approve, is because he thinks I don’t feel good on it. But then I get this strong urge to confess. πŸ™‚
I don’t think it is good to have ‘hidden’ areas in a relationship.
My husband is not picky and is not controlling, so if there is something he doesn’t like, usually there is a good reason. Openness and honesty and harmony are so beautiful – I can’t stand to have something come between us!!!
And how would I feel if he were doing something I didn’t appreciate?
But yes, now you have me curious? what do you do, that you don’t tell him?!!! πŸ™‚
I certainly am not perfect in this area!!

7 years ago

No, it would really disappoint me if he did the same to me.

7 years ago

My thought would be ‘no’. I think we should endeavor to become what our husband prefers, or expects. When I reserve a few ‘so what’ areas it will have a negative affect somewhere else. Just my thoughts….

Mary R. yoder
7 years ago

Let me clarify my thoughts. If I eat two candy bars in one day ( ! ) and I am pretty sure that would not put me on the most admired list in my husband’s mind, do I need to feel guilty??

But never would I want to go against Bible commands or allow my children to devalue his preferences .

Submission enters in here somewhere.

Mary Yoder

Heidi W
7 years ago

I reread your exact wording: “would not strictly approve of.” So I would say yes, depending on the situation. ? If you had said “would strictly disapprove of”, I think that would be different.

7 years ago

If it is for a birthday gift, yes of course!! Or let’s say that one needed to bring home these huge wire shelves from Home Depot and both trucks were gone and you had the family car with 2 car seats in the back. You know that he would have been thunderstruck (horrified) if he had seen how you actually got them home BUT he didn’t have to see it! Not naming any names here, just saying!
So yes, such circumstances are completely fine in my books.

7 years ago

It depends entirely on the context – and ultimately would God approve of you doing that?

PS if it has to do with chocolate I understand ……?

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