A slightly less ethical answer

(Is it alright to do something your husband would not strictly approve of if he won’t find out?)

I don’t know if it’s alright or not; I just know what I do. Practically speaking, I vote yes—in the stealthy disposal of items that have outlived their usefulness.

If I asked him, he would say “I might need it later; store it in the x by the z.” But meanwhile, it’s sitting in the w (as in the way), and I keep stubbing my toe on it, and if I removed it he would never notice. Promise. In the interest of scientific probability I’ve tested it in various circumstances with identical results.

Now what do you think?

Are there big things and little things in marriage?

“One little time you pull out a prop, and where does it stop? Where does it stop?” *

(Oh. Hi there, honey.)

* Fiddler on the Roof, Jerry Bock
It was fun hearing your votes. Especially since you disagreed.

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Joanna Yoder
8 years ago

We are right in the midst of moving my parents, after nearly 30 years in the same house. My dad is a borderline hoarder. Mom is NOT. I simply shudder to think what this “downsizing” move would have been, had it not been for Mom’s stealthy disposal of JUNK items through the years. (I only wish that she could have disposed of more stuff!) You have my support, Shari; and your children will thank you someday!

8 years ago

Good idea! I’ll have to try that tactic and see if he ever notices, because he has the same habit…holding on to it just in case!! But some things…you just have to tell him (as in when I damaged a “new” car lately by hitting a pothole and held my breath wondering when he would notice for a few days, then when he didn’t, hoping when he did he would think it was one of the girls and maybe I would never have to tell him. Sorry, didn’t work…my conscience wouldn’t let me get by with it, so I ‘fessed up before he ever noticed..and what a relief off my mind! And he was gracious 🙂 ) I learned my lesson…I felt like some child that had stolen candy from the store and couldn’t stand the guilt 🙂 Maybe not exactly the type of scenario you were thinking of since it wasn’t deliberately doing something he would disapprove of…but it feels related to me. Most times transparency is the best!

8 years ago

I am just over laughing about your play on the ending letters of the alphabet.

You know that I am too independent minded myself to have any good spiritual answers here. 🙂

8 years ago

🙂 “In the interest of scientific probability I’ve tested it in various circumstances with identical results.” YES!!!!!! This is exactly the kind of scenario I was imagining when you asked the question. Honesty IS absolutely vital to a healthy marriage; however, there some things Art just doesn’t want to be bothered with…even if that means I’ll make a slightly different choice than he prefers. And in addition to secreting away some of his most beloved and holey t-shirts, I have a stash of approximately 6 huge garbage bags in the attic full of my foster kids trinkets (stuff that comes home from visits with their bio-parents). Please don’t tell them.

8 years ago
Reply to  Lisa

Are the garbage bags sorted as to child? Then when they age out, you can give them their own bag and let them choose to keep or get rid of

8 years ago
Reply to  Lisa

Totally off Shari’s subject here, but in regards to foster care accumulation, if it’s junky trinkets or objectionable stuff like superhero mess or if there’s just too much of it, I send it back to the bio-fam after a while. I’m just not willing to store that kind of mess in my house. It takes up valuable space in my head as well as my home.

8 years ago

Just don’t get too carried away. My MIL got a little too giddy realizing he didn’t notice and so was slowly going through the barn, secretly throwing things away…. Until one fateful day when she threw away something she thought was junk, but was actually something important and had to confess. He was less than impressed ?

8 years ago
Reply to  Esta

I don’t go into his domain (the shop) if the barn is primarily his territory that MIL shouldn’t have been there. On the other hand when it is under the table or stacked in the corner of the living room that is an entirely different issue!

8 years ago

Hmm, not sure if I agree or not. I’ve done it! But more often than not he asks where such and such is maybe 6 months later. I tend to throw, he tends to save… just another opportunity to smile and thank God I have a hubby! 🙂 BTW, sometimes I am VERY glad I didn’t throw something away I felt like, because I was SO GLAD we had it later! But, I don’t judge someone’s marriage by these admissions! 🙂

8 years ago

I’m interested in knowing if Ryan has reached a conclusion as to what object you are referring to. It will also be interesting if he will be as easily conned next time.

8 years ago

I have to admit to this kind of stealth as well. When we first married and moved into a small space, I couldn’t imagine what my husband would need with 5,286 t-shirts. So I squirreled the oldest away in a box, only to have him discover them a year later when he helped me spring clean. Much ado was made, but he hadn’t missed them at all till he saw them again. Ha. I’ve had a harder time getting away with it again.

Maybe the moral is don’t show your true disposer colors too soon.

Mama Zook
8 years ago

He probably comes by it through genes!! His father tends to save things thinking that the new ones he’s just gotten to replace those may someday be worse, and he may want to go back to the old ones…so we ended up with a set of at least five pairs of work shoes sitting around. I filled them with dirt and hen and chicks and gave them away!

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