I dream prolifically. I go through dreams like some people go through Kleenex.
I once suggested to Ryan that if I recorded and published my dreams, maybe I’d be famous. He replied, not unkindly, “Yeah, or locked up.”
But I couldn’t help it. Just for fun, I kept notes of things I did in my dreams for the last two weeks. One disclaimer: three nights I didn’t dream memorably at all—my subconscious got shy when I started tracking it, which makes me laugh–and a fourth night contained too many censorable elements to be included in the list. Here are my notes from the remaining ten nights, plus the odd nap thrown in here and there.
I truly hope there are no shrinks among us. It would be fairly easy to read much. I–
- Gave Jean an engraved fishbowl with nothing in it, to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy.
- Ate at an Irish restaurant, in which a bona fide leprechaun was kept to play practical jokes on customers.
- Made an entire tableful of women uncomfortable by taking a waitress to task for rolling her eyes at my friend.
- Ran away.
- Rode a bicycle over miles of trackless wilderness.
- Had rotting animal carcasses thrown at me.
- Hid in an underground tunnel till the bombing was over.
- Had a date with Hercule Poirot. (His pants were 3” too short, but he insisted it was the fault of his boots.)
- Presided over a garage sale.
- Told my mom I thought I was close to getting hooked up with a man.
- Went shopping at Wal-Mart 2x, and once at a bulk food store.
- Checked out a posh set of suites.
- Drove a vehicle that began sliding helplessly backwards down an icy hill.
- Walked barefoot in snow until my feet stopped being cold and became toasty warm.
- Put my arm around a lady from church and asked how she was doing.
- Got a phone call from an extremely attractive single man named Ryan Zook.
- Helped deliver a baby—a beautiful little girl, my mom’s eighth child.
- Found a display of vanilla bean flowers for sale.
- Played a word guessing game with a bunch of young people, and had a terrible time getting people’s attention when it was my turn to talk, no matter how loudly I hallooed. Finally realized it was because couples were quietly falling in love all around me, lost in talking to each other… which made me so furious I tore my own dress into shreds.
- Met a preemie baby boy, snow white, whose mother was proud of him and ultra-cautious. She kept him well bundled from the cold and when I touched his face, she told me for heavens’ sake to be careful! I named him Spindly.
- Attended a Beachy church service.
- Lived in a house shared by three very large snakes we had to be careful not to anger. One was bright red, one green, one blue. All went well till the day my son shot one of them and the other two got mad.
- Found out that my pastor’s secret wish had always been to sing a solo in front of the congregation.
- Watched my dad work on our house.
- Found that my pine tree produced clusters of large, edible grapes.
- “Inherited” a pony and eight cats that came with our property. Tried to figure out what to do with them all.
- Went to Bible School.
- Watched others donate to the needy, but did not contribute because I had no money myself.
- Lived on a bluff by the sea. Wanted to rig a windmill to supply our own energy in that wind-swept place.
Now did you ever hear the like?