Confession: There are certain duties in my life that invariably conjure up a cloud of reluctance at the very thought.
I get as far as “I really ought to…” and immediately I am overwhelmed by a weak gray melancholic ambivalence.
Oh well, maybe I’ll have to think about that one for a while.
I don’t know, maybe after a bit…
On the other hand, is it really worth all that?
I once wrote on this blog “There are always a thousand objections to doing what I ought,” but that’s not saying it quite right. I don’t find numberless reasons. Perhaps there’s no concrete reason at all. It’s just—well, to go on from here I have to push through this fog of reluctance.
Do you identify at all?
After experiencing it many times, I began to sit up and take note. I found that I invariably felt a curious reluctance in response to a particular few of the most important things in my life. Every time! They’re things I’m not good at, things I really want to incorporate more of into my life. But I live for weeks, months, and more, thinking maybe I’ll get around to them next time.
The triggers of my gray and paralyzed inertia are very specific. Here are the top three.
- Sitting down for some quiet time with Jesus
- Getting down on the floor to play with my children
- Making significant contact with people I don’t know well—a phone call, an invitation to dinner, a testimony of Jesus
Though only one of these is overtly Christian, I can’t help thinking that the fog is not an accident; that I am facing no less (nor more) than a spiritual resistance.
Satan is not particularly creative. He uses the same old, cheap, dirty tricks over and over. And sometimes they work. May I say to you and to myself—Sit up and take notice. If Evil would invariably discourage Shari from accomplishing these small acts, I’m going to hazard a guess that for her, they’re pretty significant.
Beware the curious reluctance! and push through it with me.