Confession: I listened to the Accuser today.
Ryan and I stayed up late having a difficult financial conversation, and I finished it by asking him an equally difficult question on beauty (what? I thought it fit…) and he answered all wrong and fell asleep. I lay awake stewing until my thoughts began to swirl into foggy nonsense and I rolled over and slept too.
I awoke with a hangover of anger and self-pity, convinced of personal ugliness and universal futility.
A sense of disaster and lethargy followed me all day.
My toddler wet herself at least four times. My kids had a blow-up in the check-out lane (again) while we ran a quick errand for milk and eggs. My hair looked like someone roosted in it. I slept the afternoon away with my children, and couldn’t get my laundry done till evening. I ran out of shortening after baking the cookies and before making the frosting. (Why couldn’t that have hit my radar prior to the grocery run?) My baked goods stuck to the cookie sheet. My spatula broke. And my whole yard reeked to high heaven because a local skunk apparently had heart failure or won a gold medal or copulated—leastways overexcited himself somehow.
By this time I was wishing to trade places with Regan’s goldfish–the one who comes to the surface lively enough for meals, and spends most of his remaining time with his head buried in gravel.
Here is what I listened to today.
You’re so ugly.
You can’t get anything done.
It’s no good.
See? He doesn’t love you.
You’re inadequate and incompetent.
Your children have the table manners of pigs.
Look at all that junk.
Why can’t you stay on top of things?
In fact, probably everyone hates you behind your back.
You’re not a good hostess either—how long has it been since you invited people over?
Fortunately, in that moment the Enemy overreached himself and it became funny. My, my. What a wide range of experience we are discussing. How inapplicable to today’s mission are your accusations, Grandmother.
However the Lord Jesus wants to push me to growth, spiritual maturity, and achievement, He will not do so with denunciation. It simply wasn’t His voice, and I’m done listening.
The hardest lies of Satan to combat are the ones with so much truth twisted into them.
I cling to Jesus as darkness falls, and hope for better things tomorrow.
Revelation 12:10, 11–“Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God. They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.