A week ago, I confessed I was giving my husband about 6% of my time and emotional energy. One commenter, Cheryl, said she’d like to hear some ideas for upping the hubby percentage.
I couldn’t agree more.
How do you carve out time to invest in your marriage during busy seasons? What habits do you incorporate into your life to build love? Can you share simple ways to add some special?
I wrote on this topic once, long ago, but it was at a stressful time in our marriage and my list brings back more bad memories than good. {grin} So now it’s your turn.
My favorite cheesy habit– first person to brush teeth always puts on toothpaste for the other spouse and balances the toothbrush over the sink. It always makes me smile.
A good start to my day is when I take a few moments to sit on his lap when I hand him his coffee. Gives us both a bit of together cuddle time and gets the love flowing. ?
A good ending is spooning in bed before we go to sleep.
I love when he comes to the kitchen so we can talk while I finish making the meal and sometimes pitch in himself. Or I will sometimes follow him to the bedroom so we can chat while he changes clothes.
And even something as small as holding hands while we drive together to some normal place can do big things for me in keeping me feeling connected.
Sometimes it’s as simple (and difficult) as starting a conversation when we’re both at the place of vegging out at the end of a day. I hear my own thoughts all day long, but he doesn’t know where I am just because he’s sitting next to me. We’re both talk at least as much as an average person, but I still have to tell myself to start sometimes, to spit out the thoughts that are stuck in my head so we can connect and so I can make room for some better thoughts than the ones that run in circles at the end of a tiring day.
If we can’t do a real “get a babysitter, go out to eat” date, I like to make a special dessert and share it after the baby has gone to bed.
Knowing which love language speaks to his heart is a great place to start. Words of appreciation for his faithfulness in going off to work at 4:30 AM five days a week, for providing so well for his family, and still finding time and energy to give to others who need a helping hand. Choosing to be cheerful and smiling even when you’re tired and stressed. And yes, taking the opportunities for physical closeness with a ‘promise’ for more to come, is comforting to a man. There are a thousand small ways to communicate to them that they’re still in our thoughts: cook his favorite meal, send a text, put a note in his lunch, do a chore for him, iron his shirts:) ride with him somewhere, enjoy a late afternoon cup of coffee together…..
I get up later than he does, so I always seek him out for a good morning hug and kiss. Another hug and kiss before he leaves for work, when he comes home and whenever else we like. It always helps relieve tension, wherever it’s coming from. Can you hug and kiss without smiling? Can you smile without feeling cheered and connected? It usually makes us talk if we need to- if only as much as to say we need to talk.
I’m in that busy stage of life with teenagers and my husband being in the ministry. I love these ideas of ways to show our love in small ways. We were recently at a marriage seminar and the speaker encouraged us to try the post-it note challenge. We use heart shaped notes and each day (at least we try to!) we place our note in a place/area where the other will find it. Not only is it a fun thing but also a way for me to vocalize what I respect about him! It’s been a real marriage blessing and strengthener!
One time my husband asked me if Mennonite girls get married because they want a husband or babies. I think the mothering instinct is from God, but it’s a challenge to me to not keep him wondering this. This won’t work for everyone for obvious reasons, but he loves it when I help him milk the cows in the evening. The job gets done sooner, and we have a chance to talk without a dozen ears hanging in!
We have a daily practice of having a short coffee break together in the afternoon as he works from home. Also, he’s started writing me a weekly letter,, which I love..and some weeks I write him one back. These both help us communicate. Also praying together almosr every night before bed.
I can relate to this…it is extremely difficult to find time for each other when you are in a busy season. I am looking forward to reading people’s ideas. Here are some things I attempt to do….Write little notes or send flirty text messages. Have non negotiable times that are for you and your husband. Once a month date night, anniversary weekend, and birthdays, are a few of our non negotiables. Also, I try to go to bed with my husband, even if that means I have to get back up after he’s asleep, I really try to do this, but have not always been successful I admit.
Adding a love-seat to our bedroom has been so worth it! We have spend many nights on there “taking care” of life’s joys and problems over a cup of tea! Regular and early enough bedtime for the kiddos so there is time for us is a must for me! Chatting on the phone during times he is driving between jobs is often a great middle of the day boost for me. Sometimes it’s worth leaving all house duties and spending a whole Saturday or evening “husband watching” ? It’s an amazing time to connect, and worth picking up all lose ends later!
Sometimes I tell my friends that the best part of marriage for me is knowing I have one other person always in my corner of the world, we’re in this together and we got each other’s backs.
I love to go to sleep lying side by side and holding hands. Also we made up codes to say ‘I love you’ in public with no one else catching on. It’s fun;)
I got this note in a wedding card, “Make time for the small things, for they become the big things.” I agree. Almost 10 years in, and 5 children later… those seemingly insignificant gestures make all the difference in staying connected. Knowing love languages helps, too; I try to make a point of doing an Act of Service- his primary language- on the 2nd and/or 12th of each month (his birthday date and our anniversary date, respectively).
A post like this makes me come alive! I love hearing ideas to keep romance fresh! Some of the romantic gestures I enjoy doing: writing on his napkin that I send in his lunch box, taking one bite out of treats I send along, write on the bathroom mirror or sink with washable markers (your child’s Crayola markers work great!), hand him a towel when he’s finished in the shower, and always kiss him “thank you” when he washes the dishes or accomplishes a task for me.
Almost every evening Will and I sit on our bedroom floor and fold a pile of laundry while we talk about our day. I know that doesn’t sound very romantic, but we both enjoy it.
I often make us each a cup of tea to sip together for a few minutes before bed. It’s the simple, companionable things that bring me pleasure.
Well we are coming out of some very hard years ( hard for various reasons). I wasn’t used to asking for attention for myself. We weren’t used to our parents having dates. But I am learning to identify my needs and what I need to do about them. That means asking him for snuggle connecting time on the sofa after children are in bed, then not just talking about current events. I always was waiting for those special things to just happen but I very specifically need to make them happen. It didn’t help all this time that he needed to go to bed early and I had a hard time getting the children settled in bed and house chores wrapped up. So we are intentionally taking more time together.
You are in a hard stage and this is when you need to make a point of meeting each other’s needs. Don’t ask me how I know. Been there done that. Except I didn’t. And nearly drowned.
When I decided to make it a point to pray for my husband every day I never dreamed the next year would be sooo hard as we worked through a lot that hadn’t been addressed. I know i should have been praying all along but it got lost in craziness.
I was recently reminded that marriage is more physical for men and emotional for women. The hard part is knowing how to have our emotional needs met. Thanks for starting the conversation.