The Ten Best Ways to Comfort an Angry Woman Without Losing Your Hide

…because it begged to be written. But I must specify–this is an angry wife, specifically. Do not try it with your next irritable cashier or irate colleague.


1. Shut up. By all means.

2. Take a moment to ponder in silence a couple of very important questions:

  • Is she

a) miffed, or

b) furious?

  • And–Is there a chance that she is close to tears?

3. If a), plant a kiss on her cheek and slip out without a lot of ado. Give her a bit of space and come back soon with a hug and a present—something sweet from the store, or just a pretty wildflower. This is probably all it will take. *Crucial note: If she is b, don’t even think about a present. She will despise you for groveling.*

4. If b), do not walk away. This is the hardest step of all.

5. Let go of your plans for the afternoon. The saga may take a while.

6. Get the children out of the way.

7. If she is close to tears (and an angry woman is usually closer than either of you is aware), w a t c h your words with utmost care. But get her talking. The teary dissolving is your friend; do not be scared of it. It means the ice is melting.

8. If she is furious but not close to tears, you may have to call her bluff. Move in with a great deal of strength—Girl, I love you and I’m sticking with you. Fight it out with me.

9. Let her lash out when you do it all wrong, and when she simply needs an unresisting object to lash. Her own sharp words will bring her around to tears and repentance faster than anything you can do. Women feel a huge reaction of affection the moment after they beat up on the man they love. We’re talking basic laws of nature: To every action, there is always an equal and opposite reaction. (Example here.)

10. And after it’s all over, and the making up has just commenced, tell her very softly that she’s really s-xy when she’s mad.


Credit to the man who learned how to do it. “All men are created equal. Some are just better equipped.”


Now of course we are deathly curious. How universal is this?

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Mom Coblentz
10 years ago

Shari, this is great!! Right on target!!!!

Mom Coblentz
10 years ago

But what’s so bad about him losing a little hide? 🙂

John Coblentz
10 years ago
Reply to  Mom Coblentz

Eventually he has no hide left.

LaDonna Nice
10 years ago

Pretty true to me, except I tend even in instance “a) miffed” to want him to talk to me and give me words of affirmation, if I feel he is ignoring me I might move to point b) rather quickly. 😉 Mostly though I just want to be pursued.

10 years ago

You are so right! I think I shall “copy and paste” the next time hubby asks whats wrong? I got a huge grin out of mom and dad coblentz’s comments! Makes me remember why I so much enjoyed your mom as my “2nd mom” over the years! Would love to catch up with your family again!

Cathy M
10 years ago

6. Get the children out of the way. hmmmmm, good idea. Of course my days are now spent alone. Yesterday the child asks me, “mom do you have allergies” when I picked them up at school. 🙂 No, but if only.

10 years ago

Um I dont think this is only married couple stuff..this is girlfriends, and just girl stuff in general! I love your entry! It’s exactly how I feel when angry. Especially the don’t walk away, it makes me more furious, it is like saying silently “I dont care about how you feel”. Which makes me feel hurt. Which makes it all worse. I hate when guys keep silent, I want him to ask me, even after pushing him away with my silence and angry face, to talk about it.
I wish all guys read your article and applied it. haha

8 years ago

Precise, pithy and on point. Wow. I’ve long told my husband that it takes a brave man to marry a woman. I still don’t know how they put up with us, but I’m so grateful to God that they do.

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