Silence


Brain things, Walking with Jesus / Wednesday, April 13th, 2016

I am experiencing the technical difficulties always attendant on reentry into cyberspace. We had to switch email servers and have some bugs to work out. If you are not receiving email notifications of new posts, hang tight… the Boss is working on it. He tells me it will help him if I keep posting. {Insert eye roll here.}

In obedience to him and to the Holy Spirit
{I think I am mocking but I am not blaspheming},
here is a thought that made it to paper in the months of—


Sometimes I think I am the only one with more questions than answers and

I wonder how it feels to be sure of things

Like refugee solutions and Starbucks cups and the mission of the church and why babies are stillborn. I

Envy those who have many ideas to share and I remember the days when I did too but

Now I have more tears than thoughts, and when I read Paul I’m not even sure I’m permitted to speak in

Case I am being a rebel woman and usurper; but whether I read him well or not I have just enough

Energy for living and none at all to write.


If you have given thought to the unspoken question that straddles the N and C lines above, I want to hear from you.

10 Replies to “Silence”

  1. Three things resonated with me here–more questions than answers, more tears than thoughts, and just enough energy to live, but not to write. The last one is why no emails have showed up in your inbox yet or no thank you cards in your mailbox. Soon. . . I hope! 🙂

    1. Please don’t worry, dear. We were the ones who were thanking YOU. Some things are not necessary to say, 🙂 and I know what life is like with littles. Hugs.

  2. I’m just happy to have you back!!! 🙂 Sorry for the tears, hope they go away soon. And wish you much energy for your days. No fun being tired!!!! Bless you Shari!!!!

  3. You and me both, my dear, about having way more questions than we used to.
    Also–someone wise told me today that tears are therapeutic. That was for both you and me there too, I think. Hugs to you from across the hills!

  4. Hey I have thought of you so often and prayed for you during the silence. I missed you. I know those early days with a new life are so intense.

    Lately, I have less to say and more to question. I asked someone ‘Why am I this way? Why can’t I just be quiet and stop thinking about these issues??’ He said ‘Do you really want a faith that you don’t have any questions about? God isn’t threatened by your questions. A healthy faith asks more questions, not less.’

    My sweet husband blames me for teaching him to question things. Not in the nobody-tell-me-what-to-do sense, but in the I-want-to-see-the-light sense. Because it’s always been this way isn’t good enough. Darkness and resignation don’t have to be a way of life. There is so much more than what I see now and what I know now.

    I really don’t know you well, but yet I feel close to you because you let us into your soul’s wrestling matches. You showed me how to question well, and think well. Thank you.

  5. “If you have given thought to the unspoken question that straddles the N and C lines above, I want to hear from you.”

    I have for the last year or two, and I don’t have answers. There are things I have tried to practice and yet am fearful to consider necessary. I’ve been hesitant to pursue a conversation with anyone, not knowing who and wanting it much more neat and tidy in my mind and practice, but I’d be happy to bounce thoughts with someone else with questions. Is there a way to email you from your site here, or will that just complicate the boss’s work?

  6. Well I’ve always liked this Dorothy Sayers quote, maybe you know it. As a ‘warning’, it does give Paul a ‘side eye’ at the end.

    “Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this Man–there never has been such another. A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, never flattered or coaxed or patronised; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as “The women, God help us!” or “The ladies, God bless them!”; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously; who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no axe to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unself-conscious. There is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words and deeds of Jesus that there was anything “funny” about woman’s nature. But we might easily deduce it from His contemporaries, and from His prophets before Him, and from His Church to this day.

    And also hers:
    ” I think I have never heard a sermon preached on the story of Martha and Mary that did not attempt, somehow, somewhere, to explain away its text. Mary’s, of course, was the better part–the Lord said so, and we must not precisely contradict Him. But we will be careful not to despise Martha. No doubt, He approved of her too. We could not get on without her, and indeed (having paid lip-service to God’s opinion) we must admit that we greatly prefer her. For Martha was doing a really feminine job, whereas Mary was just behaving like any other disciple, male or female; and that is a hard pill to swallow.”

  7. I emerged from a 3-year period of silence about 6 months ago. During the silence, my life was undergoing huge upheaval, and I was floundering to find myself again. We write out of who we are, and when that is changing, how can we write? Perhaps periods of silence are necessary for the hard work of redemption.

    I think it likely the silence will come to me again, and I hope I can be more accepting next time.

    Ok, waiting to hear your insights about Paul’s words! I don’t think his instructions for women to be quiet are all-inclusive. He tells women to cover their heads while praying and prophesying, and the context of that command is in public worship. But I wish I better understood my place, too. 🙂

  8. I can’t believe it. I came here to look up an old post of yours that (briefly) addressed this N and C topic, since it has been much on my mind and heavy on my heart in the last weeks. I makes it easier to know that I am not the only one with questions.

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