Holidayed out

Confession: Sometimes enough is enough. Even of a really good thing. I had to step out of the loud, happy family gathering and go for a little walk.

I love my Coblentz people. But we are (self included) a strange herd.

We’ve had two days of congenial concourse: turkey and trimmings and talk, games and goodies and garnishes, brunch and bebop and belly laughs.

I went for a walk, black boots tromping packed earthen road, wind on my cheeks. I found a pool of still water and I threw stones at it. I thought it was like the heart of God, and I was dropping my troubles in. As I walked on, I gathered stones and held them, dirty and mottled, in my fists. One stone for every trouble—things like Holidays and A Stony Heart and A Pounding Headache and Disregarded Dreams and My Most Motley Beloved Family (a whole cluster of pebbles).

I sat on a bridge beside a quiet stream and listened to the wind in the hemlocks and talked to God, and I threw those stones, flung them far from me or dropped them down, down, down, till they lay in peace on the streambed. I watched the splashing, the way the water leaped up to absorb, the way it rippled and was calm. And I looked beneath the surface and found a world of shimmering reflection reaching deeper than dreams, quivering, sparkling, alive.

I thought about living.

So much more is going on than we are aware. People show themselves to each other in odd ways, and sometimes only the shallowest parts. The real deeps are untouched, and God beneath all.

I had to cry a while, and then I got up and brushed off my bum and walked back, and the peace trailed after me all the way home.

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Mama Zook
11 years ago

thank you for this reflection…you’re not alone! The noise and laughter can crowd out the moments of pondering, and inner deeps that are not shared. Somehow your sharing brings up so much emotion in my own soul!

11 years ago

Enjoyed your reflection, I understand that deep restless feeling while being surrounded by the people who love you best. My comfort comes knowing that we serve a jealous God; He wants to be more than what our family can be for us. Taking your walk and meeting the Father was a beautiful picture and reminder for me to live in the moment and bringing my heart and mind to back to Him. (Especially with the holiday buzz which already feels like it is in my face, I want to find a cave – and It’s still November)

LaDonna Nice
11 years ago

My Thanksgiving holiday consisted of my mom and dad and brother and children and myself. I really miss spending holidays with my extended family…but I think I remember escaping myself back in the days when holidays with family was the norm. May peace continue to trail you!!!

11 years ago

Looks like you do the same thing I do when I need space and a way to clear my head. Thanks for writing about it!

11 years ago

I just took my walk out in the woods to the creek also, leaving my house alight and abuzz. To sit on the earthen sides of a little pool, much like your own. I lingered long, figured out life not at all, and wandered slowly back– hoping they missed me. They didn’t. But I felt better meeting God out there. Must do again soon.

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