Looking back


it is better

not to.


I love this picture. It was taken in joy, riding a kiddie train with my son and the other first graders, but it belongs with the dark feelings of yesterday, when I visited a nursing home with a few ladies from church. Although I am trying to be as nondramatic as possible right now, there are days when I can’t help myself.


May you never grow old.

May you never face
the long, slow loss of your humanity
the undeveloping of body and mind.

May you never face a ceiling
for days and nights on end
trapped in a place that is not home
trapped in a body that played you false.


Their souls look out through their eyes.

They are malnourished
their hearts grown scrawny and potbellied
in a desperate need for human connection.

Do I matter?

Do you see me?

Do you know?


I looked in through a surreal window,
a soul connection I did not believe possible
and almost I could not tear myself away.

I looked in
and their eyes locked on mine
the confusion the tears and the silence swam between us.

I am a very small girl
but I promise you Jesus

I will do what I can.