Psalm 23 reloaded

This post is a zinger, but I want you to know the person I am speaking about: myself. These words grew out of a recent conversation with my husband, in which I realized I have trouble giving myself permission to do three things: take up space in the world, have needs, and make mistakes. Out of this clarity I wrote what I sometimes live. May God have mercy on his child in need of grace, and if you could have mercy on me too I’d sure appreciate it.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not have needs

He maketh me to be just fine, thank you, and I have it covered

What you said did not hurt me and what you did does not make me angry

But I have a friend you could pray for, she is really having a hard time


The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not desire

I am content with the status quo and to admit hunger would mean to become incomplete

I am perfect in spirit, I drag along a body till I leave this old world and it obeys me better if I don’t listen

God’s way is best I will not murmur, hallelujah


The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not struggle

Those people out there do not have him, poor souls, but here in the fold we are good

And always put our best hoof forward. Our sins, supposing we had any, are under the blood

There is no looking back and we’re never in mental turmoil, praise the Lord


The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want

It’s been a while since I heard his voice but my wool is still squeaky clean. When he says

He comforts me I’m not sure what that means. As far as I know I have peace with God

And my fellowman so I don’t have any enemies. What does it mean to restore a soul?

The Daily Lampoon

From Meadville, Pennsylvania, this is Omi Werd reporting.


The staff and team members at Confessions were blown away last week by heavy winds of unprecedented interest. Mrs. Zook, author of Confessions, stated herself both “delighted” and “a little overwhelmed” as page views temporarily skyrocketed and comments flew thick and fast. Zook wishes to thank the community for its [mitigated] support and [unmitigated] patience during this time.

Both agreement and disagreement were eloquently voiced online, with some readers participating in a discussion thread on the topic. “The community really came together,” says Zook.

“I expected to strike, you know, a very small nerve,” said Zook in a statement to reporters, “but this has taken me completely by surprise.” Pleasant voices of agreement were appreciated, as were pleasant voices of dissent, and our first hit-and-run commenter added an authentic and delightful twist. Says Zook, “My writing has been called many things, both complimentary and uncomplimentary, but ‘whiny rhetoric’ is a new one. Totally dig it!”

When asked where she wants to go from here, Zook mentioned upcoming plans for titillating posts on birthday cakes and bar stool cushions. “So we’ll definitely keep the excitement rolling. There’s plenty more where that came from.”

Until then, the Zooks can be reached at their local bomb shelter.