Regarding plant theft

Confession: I am a plant thief.

Really.

If a plant has shoots growing out around the bottom, or leaves that look like they would root well, or seeds hanging out in the open, they will end up in my pocket headed for home. I can’t seem to help myself.

If you invite me over to your house, you’d better check your inventory good, both before and after. Some of it will be gone.

I am now banned from five states in the Midwest.

I have to label my starts by the place from which I took them, because I usually don’t know what they’re called until later. Alden Street rosebush. Willow Street bean trees. Grandpa’s nursing home plant. Spearmint from R— park.

And that doesn’t even touch the plants I actually ask for.

(Exhibit A entered into evidence:)

bean trees

(Exhibit B:)

spearmint

I don’t seem to have as many friends as I used to; I don’t get it. On the other hand, I have some really great plants…

You should probably help me think through the ethics of this, although I can’t say I’ll reform. What? You don’t think a blog audience is the preferred counselor of morality? Alright. If you don’t give me good advice, I’ll have to ask my pastor—but he’s upstairs right now.


* If anyone takes this post seriously, he or she will be buried alive in moist potting soil and then dug up and watered.

** If anyone does not take this post seriously, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

5 thoughts on “Regarding plant theft

  1. As to the ethics of this addiction…….
    If your conscience is being pricked, you could occasionally make a financial donation to a needy person in your community or make a freezer casserole for your pregnant friend.

    Just a suggestion…..

    being buried in moist cool soil sounds kind of appealing right now.

  2. This makes me laugh.

    Once upon a time, a woman pulled to the side of the road to rescue some lupines she thought were growing wild. She was stopped in her process of digging lupine plants by a frantic man on a four-wheeler who was shouting, “What do you think you are doing?” (While this woman’s children sat in the fifteen passenger van red with embarrassment saying, “Oh, moooooom!”)

    Yes, that’s my mum for you.

  3. LOL!!!! And all I have to say is ,. . . as long as you aren’t crossing certain borders with said plants in your pockets, you are probably good. . . and you aren’t banned from Ohio–at least, not my part of Ohio, cause you haven’t come to take any plants from me yet! I welcome you to come. We have mints in abundance, trumpet vines in abundance, and other things too. 😉

  4. I took home at least thirteen plants to my farm yard from Renita’s all in a little plastic sandwich bag one spring when we were out visiting. We went around just an hour or so before leaving for the airport and pulled little starts up with a little root, stuck them inside very wet paper towels, and put them into said sandwich bag and into my carry-on bag. for-get-me-nots, coral bells, purple bells, Russian sage with their beautiful fragrant lavendar blooms!! white flowered plant (can’t remember their name) yellow flowered, pink and red flowered! Yes, it was wonderful seeing them come alive each year, and was just a small connection with my daughter living 3,000 miles away!! I love the thought of spreading around the beauty!!

  5. Pingback: The Grandpa plant: remembering someone I loved - Confessions

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